Anger After Divorce
You’ve just been served papers, you’re in shock and have no idea what to do. You’ve heard all the stories about how it’s going to be hard, but you don’t want to believe them. You don’t want to believe that your marriage is over, but you can’t see any other way out. You don’t want to think about it because it’s too painful.
It’s not easy when your marriage ends. There’s a lot of emotional turmoil involved. You’re angry at your spouse for leaving you, angry at yourself for allowing it to happen, angry at your kids for being affected by it, and angry at everyone else for making you feel so bad. You feel like you’ve lost control of your life and everything you own.
When you’re dealing with anger after divorce, it’s important to know where it’s coming from. Anger is an emotion, not a behavior. It’s normal to feel angry when you’re faced with a change in your life. However, if you allow your anger to take over, you will find yourself doing things you’ll regret later.
Anger can cause a lot of problems. It can make you lash out at others, including your children. If you feel like you’re losing control, you may yell or hit someone. This can have a negative impact on your kids. They may become frightened of you and not trust you. They may start acting out in ways that hurt themselves or others.
When you’re angry, you may also have trouble thinking clearly. You may say things you shouldn’t have said. You may lose your temper. You may even try to take out your anger on the person who has caused you pain. If you have a history of abuse, this may be a trigger.
Anger is a powerful emotion. If you let it get the best of you, you may end up hurting yourself or someone else. When you feel angry, you need to get it under control. Here are some tips to help you deal with anger after divorce:
1. Take a deep breath. Try to calm down before you speak. Don’t get caught up in the emotion of the moment. Breathe deeply for a few minutes and focus on something pleasant.
2. Talk to someone you trust. Find someone you can talk to about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to tell your spouse about your feelings. You can confide in a friend or family member. You may also want to call a therapist.
3. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Writing helps you organize your thoughts and feelings. You can use this list as a guide when you’re feeling angry.
4. Give yourself permission to feel angry. Many people feel guilty when they’re angry. You may tell yourself that you should feel better than you do. Instead, accept how you feel. Don’t judge yourself. Let go of your guilt.
5. Ask yourself why you’re feeling angry. Is there something specific that happened? Was there a pattern of behavior that was repeated? Did something really happen? What was done to you?
6. Take care of yourself. Go to bed early and get plenty of rest. Exercise. Eat healthy foods. Drink lots of water.
7. Focus on the good things in your life. When you’re angry, you tend to focus on the negatives. Look for the positive aspects of your life.
8. Make a plan. Think about what you would like to do. Maybe you’d like to go back to school. Maybe you’d like to take up a hobby. Maybe you’d like to travel.
9. Remember that anger is a temporary condition. It doesn’t mean that your marriage ended because of your anger. You didn’t cause the divorce.
10. Get help. If you find that you’re unable to manage your anger, seek professional help.
Anger after divorce can be a difficult time. You may be tempted to blame your spouse for the divorce. Don’t do this. Your spouse is not responsible for your pain. You caused the divorce. You can’t change the past. You can only change your future.